Linkinparkfan9799 Interviews: Lau, Will, Finny, Sebastian, and Ciel
by linkinparkfan9799
Summary: The third Kuroshitsuji interview for our little 'company' with your favorite psychopaths. Ten questions with Lau, Will, Finny, Sebastian, and the famous midget pervert Ciel! Enjoy and reviews are highly appreciated.


_Someone's gonna die, I SWEAR it…_

**Interviewers: Linkin, Demon**

**Interviewees: Lau, Willam, Finny, Sebastian, Ciel**

**My Boss: Mr. Ticsman**

**Thanks to: xDemonChickx**

Earphones block out the fan-girl shriek from Demon. They are a bit out-of-place, true, but 1890's England has to develop them _sometime_, right? "WHERE'S SEBASTIAN?**!**" she starts running for the Phantomhive Manor. "OH SEBBY~"

"AH!" I tackle her, trying to stop her from making me get even _more_ sued. "NO! BAD DEMON!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" she struggles. "YOU CAN NEVER TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY SEBBY!"

Footsteps are faintly heard, so I drop her and whirl around. Standing right there is Lau, William T. Spears, and Finny. I shrink at the height of Will the Reaper, seeing as I am a midget compared to him (scratch that-I am a midget _period_). "Are you Miss Oddball?" he asks, his eyes just glaring out of habit.

Laughing nervously, I tug at the high collar on this stupid Victorian dress. Seriously, Victorian women must have suffocated a _lot_, people. "Ehehe…" I gulp. "Y-Yes, I-"

_**SLAM!**_

Yes, that was me being slammed into a tree by Demon. Thank you very much for the wake-up call, buddy. "And I'm Demon, nice to meet you Mr. Spears!" she shakes his stolen hand rapidly. "Such a pleasure. Hey, why don't we stand at the road-side and get this little interview done, eh?"

"Oh, we're interviewing people at the first place we see now?" I bitterly grumble.

She makes a pouty face and narrows her eyes a little. _"Then where would you like to go?"_

My eyes roll. "Rome, Italy."

"Okay!" she cheers, grabbing some random space in the air and yanking to the left. We appear in front of the Roman Coliseum.

"WHAT THE HELL?**!**" I look around frantically. "PUT US BACK! PUT US BACK!"

Demon huffs and grabs another area in the air. "Jeez, you said…" she mutters as she yanks the land back to where we were.

Lau is impressed, however. William is still his glary-moody self. Finny is like me and panicking his ass off. Demon smiles at the mayhem of both servant and interviewer (so cruel). In so, I blast a horn in her ear. "HA!" She grabs it and does the same to me. "OW!"

"There, we're even~" she sings. Can't argue with logic, I guess.

Smacking the blood out of my ears, I turn my attention to the interviewees. "Okay so let's go on the roadside before Demon does that again, shall we?" I smile innocently. Feh. Lost my innocence LONG ago.

Don't you** DARE** misinterpret that otherwise my clipboard is going up yo' ass, **GOT IT?**

We step over to the side of the road and Demon climbs a tree there for a place to sit. How she can climb up a tree in these stiff dresses is beyond me. Instead of doing the impossible, I lean against the tree with Clippy the Clipboard. "I start!" Demon cheers. "Okay, William, are you Britney Spears's ancestor?"

"…Who?" he blinks.

She smirks and narrows her eyes, arms crossed. "Come on, fess up…Are you or are you not?"

When I hold up a card saying 'you don't want to know', he is quick to answer. "Most likely not," he huffs. "I will not have children."

Demon blinks and gets a massive dark aura. _W-What?_ **"THEN WHO ARE HER ANCESTORS?**!" she rage-quits.

"…Ask her," I blink.

"But she isn't an interviewable person!" Demon chucks a branch at me.

WHY THE ABUSE?**!** "Point taken," I hold up my hands. I check the number off and turn to Finny. "Hello Finny," I wave.

"Hey 'o!" he laughs, waving as well.

"Okay, Finny, this second question goes to you…Urm…"

Demon drops down and reads the clipboard. "…And your_ boss_ asked this?"

Finny is confused, obviously. "Asked what?"

To be honest, I am a bit afraid of the consequences to this, but eh, it's for you readers. "…Do you intentionally abuse Pluto out of the growing spite you get when Sebastian criticizes your work?"

He is blinking like an idiot. That, or as if Ciel told him to spell 'whore' I guess. "No…Just no…" he gasps in shock. I guess he cannot believe he would be accused of something like that.

I check it off and motion to Demon. She twirls theatrically and points to Lau. "Why are your eyes always closed?" she shoots out. Talk about preparation.

"Because I am happy," he answers.

_Because he is stubborn about being blind_. Checking off number 'three', I turn to Will. "Are you gay?" A point of a Death Scythe goes into my face. "I'll take that as a yes." Scribble, scribble.

"Why would you ask him that?" Demon wonders. I tap my boss's name and she nods in quick understanding. Pushing that trivial matter aside, she turns to Finny. "Okay, question five goes to you good…" Demon whips out a frying pan and quickly whacks him across the face with it. "STOP LOOKING DEPRESSED! I AM TRYING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING!"

"OW!" he complains. The other two just stare. "Is nobody going to help me?**!**"

We three shake our heads. "Not really," comes out a creepy-unison answer.

A few minutes are wasted with her 'disciplining' the poor sap. My pocket-watch ticks (don't ask) as each hit gets louder and apparently harder. By the end of it, he sits in a crumpled heap, bleeding and with a probable cracked rib. "Now~" Demon hides the red pan behind her back. "Question five is what is your blood type~?"

"D'nt…no…ngh!" he winces.

Eyebrows quirk up as I point to the pan. "Can't you tell by that, Demon?" I wonder.

She stares at it and shrugs, licking it. "Hmm…Tastes like B Negative…"

"Lemme' see that!" I swipe it, licking a spot away from her own saliva. "…Yep. B Negative." We mark it down as Lau and Finny hide behind Will. "Hey, you're injured!" I snap at Finny.

"SO! You turned into the monsters, the both of you!"

Demon and I exchange glances before directing our attention back to him. "Monsters?" we ask innocently. "Why, sir, we are simply insane."

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

Rolling my eyes, I turn to Lau. "You're turn, blindy," I state.

"It's Lau," he says, sounding confused. Suuure…You go ahead and be insecure about your blindness, old chap.

My hand waves as to push the matter aside. "Not the point here. Question six: if you had to be any insect in the word, what would you be?"

He apparently does not pick up on the offense in that question. I am thankful, for it was my own question and I do not want him to go all Kung-Fu-y on my ass because I asked. In so, Lau ponders on it and taps his chin. More time is wasted until he snaps his fingers with a thought. "I would be a caterpillar, the 'evolving insect' as I put it sometimes."

_You and the rest of this world…_Teeth close in on my lower lip to trap that particular statement. Scribbles go onto the paper and a pretty-little 'X' over the 'six'. Demon checks the clipboard. "Four more question, huh?" she sighs. "Wow, these interviews seem to be going really fast…"

"Maybe we should ask readers to send in their questions?" I shrug.

She rolls her eyes and pats my head. "It's okay Linkin, you can think of a good idea some day!"

"What was wrong with-"

"OKAY!" Demon claps her hands loudly, obviously intending to cut me off. "So, question seven goes to…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Oh boy. As we cringe, the clomping of hooves comes to my attention. Remembering who those hooves belong to, I grab Demon and try, honest to God _try_ to run, but her rapist-psyche over powers her and ends up dragging me to the carriage of Ciel Phantomhive and none other than…"SEBBY!" Demon tackles him, my head going through the carriage as she flies.

"OOMPH!" he is, in fact, tackled. "Oh, Demon," he smiles.

Ciel stares at my head. I laugh nervously and try to push my head out. "U-Um…A little help?" I squeak.

He shrugs indifferently and works on pushing my head out. Despite the multitude of scratches on my neck due to splinters, I pop out and rejoice. For some odd reason, there is a heavy scent of metal in the air and my vision is going blurry. "Will we never evade you two?" Ciel steps out, sighing. "Seba-**STOP THAT!"**

Not sure what is happening, but I do know that I need to sit down…"Don't rain on my parade Ciel!" Demon snaps. "Sebby is _mine_ and there's nothing you can do! So stop being a midget pervert and rape Linkin."

"…**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?**!" he roars.

"**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SELLING ME TO THE MIDGET PERVERT FOR?**!" I roar as well. As the world backflips, I hold my head tightly. "Ngh…"

Ciel scoffs and faces me with a red face. "I am not a pervert, nor a midget!"

Demon and I both look at him with disbelief. "Explain the shortness, buddy," we huff.

"I AM THIRTEEN!"

"Still no excuse," Demon shakes her head sadly.

By what I can make out through all the blurs, Ciel looks like he's about to have an ulcer. Seeing as we need ten questions, I take the clipboard and crawl over next to him. "Is navy your favorite color?" I ask.

He blinks down at me. "What?"

"Is navy your favorite color?" I repeat, tapping the board. "Please hurry because the amount of oxygen in my lungs is rapidly decreasing." After a few blinks, he nods and I cross that off as blood splatters the page. Why is blood randomly appearing? Too tired to panic about it now, I face him again. "Am I bleeding from the neck?" He nods again, looking slightly worried. I mark that off and point back to Demon. "Ask…questions…to the rape…victim…" I fall back, staring at the pretty rainbow colors forming in the sky. Last time I checked I quit cocaine…

She giggles and I hear some wet noises. Pray God it's just kissing. "Okay Sebby~ Two simple questions for you!" Another giggle. "Okay~ Does Ciel rape you as an order?"

"STOP ACCUSING ME OF THAT!" Ciel orders.

I can just tell Demon is glaring. "Do I _look _like I am a demon after your soul?" Ciel is silent in reply. "No, no I don't." I lift my head up to see Finny and Lau running away and Will calmly walking after them. _COWARDS!_ "Anyways, Sebby~?"

Sebastian chuckles, "No, he doesn't."

Ciel sighs. "Thank you, Sebastian."

My pal, leaving me to bleed for a demon who will always serve his master until his corpse rots in Hell, huffs. "Last question of this interview! How would you rate this interview?"

"Seeing as I was only here for a short portion, I would have to say, on a scale of one to ten, four."

I miraculously recover and start shaking him like crazy. "WHAT IS WITH ALL THE LOW NUMB-...**DEMON PUT HIS PANTS BACK ON!"**

"Why!" she whines.

"Oh boy…" Ciel huffs. Now that I look at him, his hand is over his eyes. Huh. So he _is not _that big of a pervert…

"**PUT THEM ON!"**

"No!" I grumble and grab the back of her dress, dragging her down the trail as she clings to Sebastian's clothes. "NOOOO! SEBBY!"

Sebastian sighs. "Goodbye, Miss Demon!" he calls after us. "Hopefully we will see you-"

"_**NO!"**_ Ciel and I snap, my speed going faster as Demon's struggling increases.

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